omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
