It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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