No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
