I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
