OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
