Having a random hookup so left but love u
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
