We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
