I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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