Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
