Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
