Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
