It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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