my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
