make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize