Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
