I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
