I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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