she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
