Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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