I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
