so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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