You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
