just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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