am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
