I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
