I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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