Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
