also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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