SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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