I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
