Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
