i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
