If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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