evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
