I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
