i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
