I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize