I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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