The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
