Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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