ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
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I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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