I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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