i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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