so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
