i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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