your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
