I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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