I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
