wat bout pragnant strippers??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
