you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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