I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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