My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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