I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize