so that wasnt chicken after all
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
