all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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