i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
