i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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