She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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