It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
