She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
