Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
