Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
