Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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